


A Song of Tears and Despair

by Annie285



Category: Original Work
Genre: Emotions, Expectations, I might have cried when I wrote this, I'm actually fine just under some pressure, Poetry, Pressure, Swearing, a little depressing, heavy on the feels, strong emotions
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-30
Updated: 2020-05-07
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:14:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23931373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Annie285/pseuds/Annie285
Summary: Just some poems I wrote when I was feeling down. I promise, I don't deal with any mental disorder, and I'm actually doing fine. But we all have moments when we're not doing fine and these are some of mine. No context.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 2





	1. I'm not useless (so please don't say it)

**I'm not useless (so please don't say it)**

No, I'm not like you.

No, I wasn't raised like you.

No, we aren't the same

_ So why do you expect me to be like you in every single way? _

Yes, I'm different.

Yes, I like other things.

Yes, I think with my heart.

_ But that doesn't mean that I'm blind, deaf, and cannot think. _

I think differently.

I cry easily.

I get emotional weekly.

_ But I'm not weak nor naive. _

I don't like blood or violence.

I tend to enjoy silence.

And I try to find some semblance of peace.

You think I won't do what's necessary, think again.

I may not act rationally, but I always have a plan.

Do you think too little of me, or too much?

If that is you're showing your love for me, then thanks a bunch.

Are the expectations you set up for me really for me?

Or are you hoping I will be better than you were?

Do you think I won't fail when it matters? Because I will.

Do you know what the future holds in store for me? Cause I don't.

Do you ever stop and think what the hell you're doing to my heart when you're crushing it with some words?

How casual you look when you say stuff nobody should say.

Do you know how many stressful thoughts you've planted in my head?

What those poisonous seeds look like now that they're blooming trees?

You're intentions are good I'm sure.

But the same can't be said for the feelings that I get.

Maybe you'll realize these things some day.

**_Too bad I always forgive, but never forget._ **


	2. My wish

**My wish**

_ My wish is both common and uncommon. _

_ I wish I was normal. _

_ I wish I was that kid that got straight A’s. _

_ That kid the teachers loved as their own. _

_ I wish I was that kid who used their spare time productively and usefully. _

_ That kid that always smiled. _

_ I wish I was that kid that had a lot of true friends. _

_ That kid that could speak freely and honestly to them about everything. _

_ I wish I was that kid that never cried, was always brave. _

_ That kid who always knew what to do and say. _

_ I wish I was that teenager that didn’t have any acne or body fat. _

_ That teenager that had a planets worth of confidence. _

_ I wish I was that teenager that just knew and was smart. _

_ That teenager that was well informed and had resources. _

_ I wish I was that teenager that always had money to throw away because their grandmothers and grandfathers gave them gifts whenever they visited. _

_ I wish I was that teenager that had a job, because Mom and Dad knew somebody. _

_ I wish I was him or her that everybody liked. The people everyone would wave or say “Hi!” to.  _

_ That him or her everyone knew. _

_ I wish I was him or her that got clapped on the back by their teammates. _

_ The person who everyone cheered on. _

_ I wish I was  _ **_pretty_ ** _ and  _ **_good_ ** _ and  _ **_smart_ ** _ and  _ **_organized_ ** _ and  _ **_prepared_ ** _ and  _ **_fun_ ** _ and  _ **_loved_ ** _.  _

_ But most of all? _

**_I wish I didn’t feel the need to wish this._ **


	3. Worth something to me

**Worth something to me**

_ I came home with not one, but two  _ **_A’s_ **

_ Not one, but two  _ **_100%_ **

_ Not one, but two  _ **_perfect scores_ **

_ Something you've encouraged me relentlessly to get since I started getting grades  _

_ And while I’m smiling _

_ Giddy that I’m finally going to make you proud _

_ Happy that I’ve done absolutely nothing wrong _

_ You tell me to apologize _

_ You tell me that it’s my fault for not telling you about my inconsequential failings _

_ I’m sorry I’m not good at things outside of school _

_ That I can’t clean bedsheets and cook like you can _

_ I’m sorry that I can’t be perfect and can’t have bad days, bad temper and shout like you do  _

**_Every_ **

**_Damn_ **

**_Week_ **

_ I’m sorry that life was hard on you _

_ But don’t think for one minute that I haven’t felt pressure when I’ve carried the heaviest weights known to humans on my sore shoulders for the past three years _

_ Shoulders that have shaken with the force of a million sobs because of the way that you scare me into feeling inferior _

_ Don’t tell me that I know only luxury _

_ When stress has been my one constant companion throughout the lonesome journey school has been _

_ Don’t even ask me if the appraisals I’ve _ **_worked my ass off_ ** _ for are worth reward _

_ That the grades I have earned because of  _ **_my blood, my tears, my sweat, my fear, my smarts and my creativity_ ** _ are worth something from you or worth something to me _

_ Whatever I do is worth something to me _

_ Because I put in effort in  _ **_every-fucking-thing_ **

_ I put effort into being smart and learning _

_ And I put effort into being nice and cooperative when it's you who doesn’t deserve it _

_ I even put effort into hiding my emotions, but I mostly fail in that department because I am  _ **_transparent_ **

_ I am an open book for everybody to either ignore, acknowledge, tarnish or keep safe, protected from cruel words and angry remarks _

_ I am worth more than these expectations you've placed upon my head _

_ Heavy is the crown, I guess _

_ And the things I do, do matter _

_ Not because of the way they steer my life for better or for worse _

_ But because I put a bit of myself in everything I put my time and effort in _

_ That thing or object or grade should be worth the world to you _

_ Because those things are me _

**_And don’t you love me?_ **


End file.
